


I'll Hold Your Hand

by Coffee_At_Midnight



Series: Mark and Ethan [1]
Category: markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Mental Illness, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23624212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coffee_At_Midnight/pseuds/Coffee_At_Midnight
Summary: Mark comforts Ethan during a panic attack.
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor
Series: Mark and Ethan [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713205
Comments: 8
Kudos: 358





	I'll Hold Your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for anxiety/panic attacks.

It was a night like any other for Mark- he was up late editing, trying to finish one last video before he called it a night. The glow of his computer screen was the only light in the room, and his eyes were beginning to water from the brightness and his need for sleep.

One thing was different about tonight though. A certain cranky boy was asleep on his couch— or so he thought.

It was the first time Ethan had stayed the night at Mark's house. They had big plans for filming tomorrow, and they figured it'd be easier for him to sleep over so they could start as early as possible.

Mark looked at the clock on his phone; it was almost midnight. Knowing he needed to be up early tomorrow, he decided to call it a night. He closed his laptop and began getting under the covers when he remembered that he'd forgotten to brush his teeth. Reluctantly, he stood up and headed into the hallway.

A gentle creaking sound from the living room made him stop for a moment until he remembered Ethan was sleeping over. But then he noticed the sound of heavy breathing. He continued walking to see Ethan on his couch, curled in a ball, rocking back and forth and hyperventilating. 

Mark quickly forgot about his purpose for getting out of bed and rushed to sit beside Ethan, ready to comfort him.

For a moment he just stared, trying to figure out what was happening. Ethan's whole body trembled as he leaned into the couch, then forward again. Sweat lined the side of his face, and he ran his hands through his hair in an attempt to calm down.

"Can I touch you?" Mark asked, unsure of what was going on but not wanting to make the situation worse. He recieved no answer. 

"Ethan?" Mark said again, a bit louder this time. "What's going on?" 

Ethan continued rocking back and forth, his head resting on his knees, covered by his arms. Mark noticed that he was scratching himself with his finger nails, hard enough to leave red lines along his skin. 

"Hey," Mark whispered to Ethan, deciding it'd be smart to intervene and stop him from hurting himself. He reached out to grab Ethan's hand.

Suddenly, Ethan switched from scratching to hitting, lifting both his hands to his head and punching himself repeatedly. 

The abrupt, violent motion startled Mark. He quickly grabbed hold of Ethan's wrists to restrain him.

"Hey," Mark said, trying to sound comforting despite how worried he was. "You can't hurt yourself, okay bud?" 

Ethan began pulling his arms away, sobbing, but Mark wouldn't let go. He continued whispering to Ethan, trying to sooth him. When he recieved no response, he wondered if Ethan could even hear him in his panicked state.

Mark lifted his arm, which still grasped Ethan's wrist, above Ethan's head so it was now wrapped around his shoulders. Ethans heavy breathing didnt subside, and he continued rocking back and forth, now against mark.

"Does rocking help?" he asked. 

Ethan nodded, acknowledging Mark's presence for the first time. Mark grinned to himself, glad to have made progress but still concerned for his friend.

"Can you..let go..of my...arms?" Ethan whispered in between deep breathes and sniffles.

"Can you promise not to hurt yourself?" Mark responded.

Ethan thought for a second, before shaking his head no. Mark sighed.

"Sorry bud. I gotta keep holding on. For your own safetly."

For the next few minutes, neither spoke a word. Mark had now switched to kneeling in front of where Ethan sat, making it easier to restrain him. Ethan's heavy breathing slowly subsided, but he continued to rock back and forth, tears streaming from his eyes. He felt so embarrassed. His boss and best friend had just found him during one of the worst panic attacks of his life, and had to restrain him. He felt humiliated, and so exhausted. 

"You wanna talk about what happened?" Mark asked, seeing that the episode seemed to be done.

"Not really," Ethan said with a sniffle. "Just get nervous staying away from home."

"You could've said something," Mark said. He realised that his knees were beginning to ache from the hardwood floor, then added, "Still need me to hold your hands?"

Ethan slowly shook his head, and Mark got up to join his friend on the couch. 

"Can I hold you?"

Ethan nodded. Mark put his arm over Ethan's shoulder and pulled him close. 

"Next time we can do this at your house, or just not at all, or–"

"It probably would've happened anyway," Ethan interrupted, sorrow prevalent in his voice. "Happen's every night."

"Every night?" Mark asked in disbelief. "How come?"

"I don't know, my mind just goes off when I dont have anything to distract myself."

"Do you take meds at all?"

"No...Mika says I should go to the doctor but I haven't."

"Eth, she's right. You really should. It'll help, a lot," Mark said persuesevely. He noticed that Ethan had began rocking slightly, though not as aggressively as before. 

"Is this conversation making you uncomfortable?" Mark asked.

"A little," Ethan admitted. "But it's okay." 

"Sorry," Mark muttered sleepily. "Just need to know that you're okay."

Ethan nodded. "I'm sorry that I woke you up." He sounded so sorrowful, so guilt ridden. It broke Mark's heart.

"I was getting up anyway, and I'm glad that I found you, bud."

"You can go to bed now, if you want," Ethan said, although he secretly wished Mark would stay.

"I'm not leaving you alone," Mark answered, unknowingly granting his friends wish. "There's room for both of us in my bed."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course."

The two walked the hallway to Mark's bedroom. Mark realised he still hadn't brushed his teeth, but he wasnt going to leave Ethan by himself.

Ethan felt a bit embarrassed with Mark fussing over him, but was grateful to have a friend who cared that could help him through the hard times.

"Goodnight," Mark said, pulling the covers over both of them.

"Goodnight," Ethan said.


End file.
